hmm. a few weeks has passed only and i feel like my life has been sucked off into the black hole never to be found. daddy's fav show was on tv when meimei shouted out to remind him to watch. and daddy made a comment, meimei so guai will remind me, what about you? im like, sorry man dad, i have totally no life now, i dont even come online for leisure but due to this obsession with checking smb, how do you expect me to even know what's on tv?!?! my only source of current affairs is our dear TIME magazine which i've gained nothing much from besides the policies that obama is making and the church he's planning to go to. i dont even know what's G-8. okay, kind souls if you happen to know, you can save me from all that torturing curiosity. oh anyway, yuli reminded me that i do have a life besides that of my endless books and notes and tutorials.

2 funny things happen today:

"1. i was very curious during chemistry about transition metals (HAHHAA) and whether energy supplied must be in the form of light energy in order to promote the electrons to form the coloured solution thingy, so i asked miss chua if i could heat the thing instead. she said it wouldn't matter, cos light energy would be enough, as the electron takes in the a specific amount of energy so even if you supply extra thermal energy it wouldn't affect anything. so i asked:

can i heat in the dark then! before being rebuked by zhonghan with: wah lao you heat in the dark then how you see the colour change you idiot! waah lao.

2. there was this pictorial representation of an advertisement for pizza in the hypothesis testing notes with a phone no: 6425 2525. when shijun came back to the class bench he told us there is an errata in the notes very solemnly and said that HE CALLED THE NUMBER AND IT SAYS IT'S THE SCIENCE CENTRE not pizza selling place. SO RIDICULOUS RIGHT?!"

-yuli

FUNNY RIGHT?! omg like seriously. shijun and friends are like damn cute and boliao or something.

totally inverted my body clock. but well, i realise this way i can study better and studying more makes me feel good. consult with ms how today just made me all the more excited man. esp with the addition in workload. its probably stress or something. but im seriously honestly excited. doesn help when the frequency of me blabbering in rubbish to j/acting like a spastic retard gets higher and higher until he's threatening to not ren me anymore. x.x

pessimism fills my sky and im not gonna invest anymore, regardless of how low you lower your interest rate. we've officially fallen into a liquidity trap.... aaahhhhhhh........

hey actually, i think i cry like almost every 2/3 days? something's like wrong with my brain or something. i am able to process what's wrong and right with my puny brain but my heart just cant seem to detect it. maybe that's what hindering me from my studies too. everyone's been saying this, I GOTTA START MUGGING! hahah. so here i am, im gonna say it too I GOTTA START MUGGING!!! and it starts tonight! :D wahhh seriously, scored like freakin bad for blocks but somehow, due to some immunisation thingo, i seem to be the only one who's happy with her failing grades. -.- how lame is that.

alright. :D people, lets study together kay. love ya. today i feel that alot of people love me. ^^

hello world. this is seriously like the time of emo man. like the slightest thing make me think negatively and stuff.

i think 3 people in class dont really like me. it's upsetting in the most subtle ways. not that only 3 people dont like me, but these 3 people affects me most lah.
i dont know how to face 1 person at the moment and is scared of going sch and seeing him/her.
i know another person is really disappointed in me and i felt that i lost this person. this affects me the most. i want to be able to turn back time. and problem is, i dont even know what really went wrong.
i talked to 1 person yesterday and he made me feel all the more unwanted. thanks. even though everything is in the past, i didnt expect your attitude to be like that.
i think 1 teacher in school hates me while the rest thinks im just a lazy complain queen.
never do work for first maths tuition and teacher thinks im lazy.
to this person, i really want to say, im sorry. never once was i fake or have anything against you. like honestly. i do have smth against him associating with you, but no, nothing against you. when i talk you, im happy im really happy and im glad to have you as a friend. i can understand how you feel when i act so mean and unreasonable and selfish. but i hope you can understand how i feel too. do you, pris?

anyway, in general. i just feels that the world hates me and i lost the world, lost everything. what a gloomy season. must be studying overdose.

in a day, i lost both. i felt like im all alone all of a sudden. although i know there are always people there for me. and talking to him makes me feel all the more unwanted.

weird. im going to face it tomorrow. ohwell... so be it. thanks to those who care. (: without you guys, i'll feel that im worthless thing.

anyway, today is a saturday. how about 6 more weeks to prelim? more and more consults, more and more tuition. hopefully, they'll save me from the bottomless pit that i feel in and struggling to climb up.

anyway, today is a saturday. im so sorry ra if you see this msg. lz cant confirm if he wants to go out, jason wants to chiong his pw, so there goes our plan. unless lz suddenly decides that he wants to go out in the late afternoon or at night and you happen to be free, if not, let's just stay at home and be good muggers alright?

it's 10am. alright, i give in. i miss you. im going sembawang. hope to see you there.
i need a pill that cures obsession. isit even found in brave new world?

it's 2am in the morning now and im blogging here. hmm. just felt like typing down what i feel right now.

i talked to someone on the phone a few moments ago which left me kinda shocked and hurt. was pretty angry and disappointed at first. and i tried complaining to people but after that, talking to another person woke me up, making me realise the problem lying with the first person is probably 5% while the other 95% lies with me. come to think of it, it's probably true that im some 2 faced bitch in school as i am everywhere else and everybody can see through that. i actually suck as much as i think other people do but i just cant open my eyes and acknowledge that fact. i just want to say im sorry.

im here to post a public apology to bestie VERASHAWMINGYOKE. ><

im so sorry dear. i stupidly left my phone at home when i go church. couldnt contact you and made you wait for 3 hours. im so so so sorry. :'( zhen dui bu qi. im announcing here that i'll treat you to a bowl of zha jiang mian next thurs alright? sorrryyy. x.x

I PACKED MY ROOM!!! *happy face :D

no more procrastination! i really did pack my room. hee. oh alright fine. i did procrastinate. like i spent the entire afternoon watching show and only started packing at night, but i did it anyway. so who cares. yupyup. but oh. didnt play piano today. how sad. *sad face

blocks are over.

that, sounded pretty miserable somehow. to add on, i feel motivated more than ever to study. starting off by packing up the mess i created during this period of time tonight. i need to find the focus in my life. i need to get a life. and that starts with mugging. im dead serious. well and of course, piano. its weird, but i had my whole mind on room packing and piano on my way back home. after movie with liuzhen, ra and jason, i didnt really feel like going out or hanging around. just wanna go back home and pack up the mess and shit. :/

ohwell. and life starts with reading my bible too. i want to get another bible. :x

happy youth day people. alright. not very happy. im sure 90% of the people have no idea today's a public holiday. (: just like me.

anyway, entire morning passed. did nothing much. realised i couldnt do electric field at all while mrs tan just ignores all my smses. x.x getting more and more complacent, or am i just giving up? nahh. cannot must work hard to show that person i can do it. he can go eat my shit when i get all As.

on another note, im starting to love my piano again. ^^ sometimes i think, only through music and dance can i find control in my life. :/

anyway, i read through my posts last year. how i wish my life will go back to before. music, dance and...

oops. 5 posts in a row. dont blog then leave my blog dead. once i start blogging then blog until no space. -.-

oh you couldnt believe it. i thought chem exam was tomorrow and physics was on wednesday. i have no idea why but i've always thought so since forever. even after

mommy: have school tomorrow?
me: duh?! chem exam leh.
mommy: huh. why your school siao ah. tomorrow youth's day leh.
me: you now then know my school siao ah. slave drivers.

until zhikai asked what time does school end tomorrow and i checked smb to realise...

there's no school tomorrow and IT'S PHYSICS ON TUESDAY AND CHEM ON WEDNESDAY!!! whats wrong with me, i dont even know when are my exams. i nearly wanted to study chem all the way then study physics after chem. x.x can you imagine if i did that. awesome man...

it's raining. i remember telling you about the rain and the moon and the stars.

on the other hand, so much has happened without me updating them on this little blog of mine. but this dumb thing here refuse to let me post any photos ): whatever.

anyway pris, dont believe what jason says, he's crapping. he makes me sound like some 2 faced bitch. lol. dumb thing.

and cheryl, im sooo sorry i couldnt go for your birthday bash. >< blame it on stupid hwachong exams. ): i'll give you a kiss and a big hug to make up for it! <33

hello yuli, i suddenly feel like playing piano again! okay random. i've always thought you are a pro little piano thing! X) anyway, you probably dont know. but whenever i feel like im falling, you'll be my source of motivation! ^^ thank you for your existence! hahah. this is really random. but i mean every word of it.

jiayou too sicheng!

baobei krystal! i've got weirder and weider dreams since i read about yours. i dreamt that i was an alcohol molecule after studying organic chem and i dreamt of my shirt size varying due to normal distribution! see i told ya. i study alot okay. until i have nightmares. :D

hello fat vera. hanging out with you too much makes me fat too. ):

sophie dear, hang on there. im with you. all the time. though sometimes, i know im a sucky friend and cant put myself in other people's shoes. but i love you all the same. hang on there. im with you.

on the third hand, i want to tell this someone, if i am to become top scorer of A levels 2009, or at the very least, score all As for my A levels, credit goes all to you for despising me and hitting my self esteem to rock bottom. thank you very much.

a very reflective day. angsty, emotional, rainy. and i played my piano today too. after more than 6 months of neglecting it.

Music Playlist at MixPod.com

As the music plays, i couldn't help but remember. it's sick, but i set it on a constant playback to soak myself in the pain. i dont even know if the regret is worth it, because i dont know if it will ever work, even if i were to turn back time. it's true then, that you were the one i gave my heart to. and i couldnt take it back. a new start couldnt make me forget, or simply maybe this period of time is not enough to erase my memories. i realise, i can still cry for you, or is it just because i want to convince myself, how much i can give to you? sometimes, i feel like im creating this little drama of my own, after watching too many shows, hoping to live in my fairytale. i dont know what i want, moping after what i've lost, knowing that even if i havent lost it, i couldnt have it anyway. you left so much of yourself in my life, i find myself unable to wipe you out entirely. yet, you were able to forget me, and face me in a new perspective. you probably went through the same amount of pain, maybe even more. you did right, but part of me hate you for being able to do so. the selfish me still want the best of both worlds. the love that you gave me, is probably more than anyone is capable of giving. and i let it slip by. all because of my foolishness and lack of courage.