this will hopefully be my last post before i post again in dont know how long because i messed up my studies and i need to turn into some disgusting mugger. yup. good day to you people.

im totally in love with ji hoon esp him with his specs! <3<3<3

watched knowing last night and it gave me a nightmare lah. wth. i dreamt that huihong and jialing had this weird pyschic ability and huihong told me i will die the next day under a orangey starry night sky. damn it. in my dream i suffered a whole night of fear not daring to step out of my house or risk being in open area. then next i dreamt that i was in a sampan with cynthia. dont know why sampaning around this area which looks like this construction site only to find out we're under a hospital. there are lots of departments in the hospital and the departments have headings like "how to make white mice blue with cotton" and "tiger tails". totally random and nonsensical. lol.

i really really love my section!!! ^^ we can play together every night under the stars and feed mosquitoes! :D:D:D

i think im slowly finding what ive always been aimlessly been looking for. and with that, i face my everyday with a smile. :)

im really really sorry for doing what i did. not making a clear decision, or even not keeping my word. i know what i did was really being unfair to both parties. but i just want to assure you, i know what im doing. i know my priorities. and i want to tell you, it wasnt your fault that things end up like this. i made the decision myself and i never once regretted. my passion still lies where it lies. :) thanks for all that you have done for me, i mean all that worrying and concern. i understand where you are coming from.

all i got to say is that, it all came too late. but im not complaining. at least, it came.

dont say the sky's the limit when there's footprints on the moon

cool hor. hahah. got that from my uncle's msn.

anyway, baby's not happy today. :'(

1 General Paper H1 51.5 D 233 59%
2 Mathematics H2 MC NA/Exempted 0 0%
3 Physics H2 41.2 S 463 15%
4 Chemistry H2 40 S 651 12%
5 Economics H2 42 S 776 12%

dont have great results to boast of or show to everyone (unlike dear yuli. hahah.) but what shall i say? i thank God nonetheless for what i have. i aimed for no Us this block test. no aspiration you may say, think whatever you like. but no getting a U for me is hard as anything considering i havent been putting much of my attention into my academics all this while. so looking at my list of Ss, im happy with it. A little disappointed because the luck i've been tapping into havent been coming. okay, see. God is trying to tell me something. there's no such thing as luck baby. you got to work hard for what you want. the occasional unexpected nice grades are just little blessings that the Lord has decided to reward you with maybe for being a good girl. but when it's time for you to wake up, He'll wake you up. and now's the time. a brush across Us is a big enough wake up call for me. the message cant be any clearer. God can hold my hand and guide me, but if i dont take the first step myself, i wont ever get there.

what i realised is that during this particular period of time, people start getting motivated and bracing themselves up. hahah. i guess it's a good sign! ^^ people working hard towards As, jiayou jiayou!

oh and i did go for ballet anyway. hahah. was 1 hour late and arrived just in time for half an hour of pointe. omg. want my ankles' life. you want it? alright, take it. i surrender. oh God, please tell me what to do with my ankles? they just keep giving away. i couldn't even reach the stage of feeling the pain in my toes or my feet because i simply couldn't even get up or stay there. >< no matter how willing i am to embrace the pain, i got to be able to get up there en pointe first. this is really depressing. ><

hello it's 5.45 in the morning and im here. waiting for 5.50 to strike before i leave house. anyway, i didnt wake up at 10 yesterday. :( baby did tried to wake me up but it didnt work. not even with that excited happy tone. lol. i almost overslept this morning because i didnt set alarm. woke up naturally at 5.17 to rub my eyes intending to go back to sleep when i saw the clock. had a shock. lol. alright. finish ranting on how not disciplined and not productive i am. time to go school. hmm. think i wont go ballet today lah. want to finish up my work. :/

i thank the Lord Jesus for the many many many many countless things He blessed my everyday with.

"The Lord is my helper, and I will not fear what man shall do unto me" -hebrew 13:6
You give me courage to bring me through my everyday! ^^

got this from yongen's blog:

The next time you feel like GOD can't use you, just remember...

Abraham was too old
Isaac was a daydreamer
Jacob was a liar
Leah was ugly
Joseph was abused
Moses had a stuttering problem
Gideon was afraid
Samson had long hair and was a womanizer
Rahab was a prostitute
Jeremiah and Timothy were too young
David had an affair and was a murderer
Elijah was suicidal
Isaiah preached naked
Jonah ran from God
Naomi was a widow
Job went bankrupt
John the Baptist ate bugs
Peter denied Christ
The Disciples fell asleep while praying
Martha worried about everything
Zaccheus was too small
Paul was too religious
Timothy had an ulcer
and Lazarus was dead!

No more excuses now. God can use you to your full potential.
Besides, YOU aren't the message, you are just the messenger.

(she got this from facebook and i think bro stoneking mentioned it during dcd too.)

okay i shall list down what i want to do tonight okay?

1. maths tutorial 15B
2. physics e-field tutorial

alright. that's all for tonight. shall not be too ambitious. and anyway, i got to pack my room one day. it's too... okay i cant find stuff. so you get it.

YAY! can you believe it! tomorrow's ballet class will be inter! hee. im quite excited. and happy. because grade 7 is over. im gonna start inter, which i dont have to take exam! hahah. though i forsee inter's gonna be so... x.x GG. lol. ms pang's pirouettes now have an added double, lots of sticking your leg out for long long time and holding it there. i think, given this standard, if i go for every inter class, i'll grow very skinny and muscular. lol. but no, im not. i cant. T.T

alright. im going to sleep now. all i got to do, is to wake up at 10 to do my work. okay, lets go find people and equipment to prepare to wake me up. lalala...

one down. three more to go.

had ballet exam today. turned out better than i thought. screwed up a little for barre when i was too engrossed with copying rachellim but gained my composure quick after that i guess. ^^ examiner looked pretty pleasant most of the time, i thought she smiled quite alot? but the rest said she wasnt. maybe i was a little in denial. hahah. but whatever it is. i felt good after that exam. as in, i probably didnt do well, but i did triy to bring joy to my audience. :) hopefully i'll score a reasonable score and not let ms pang down. pahh! lets not think about the times when i forget to close back to my fifth after my sissones and my unstraight legs when i jump. those totally wasnt in my mind when i dance. i was overly obsessed in trying to make her smile. lol! and did i pass through first before starting my dance?! oops. ohnoooo. okay stop thinking stop thinking. more mistakes keep appearing. ><



my lovable exam group! <33 we all looked like eggs. >< didnt want to put this up actually cus we looked too weird. but ohwell, i feel so happy about this exam i i can provide a little entertainment to the readers of my blog. go ahead and have a good laugh. lol.

oh did i mention? i really liked my new skin! sort of edited and made it myself. hee. proud of it! lalala... okay i should stop saying that before rachelng starts doubting my age again. -.-

hmm. i think today... im pretty proud of myself. i did learnt to be a more sensible girl, did i? i want a kiss and a pat on the back. ^^

ballet wasnt good today. started off with inter, which bahhh... i pretty much sucked at it. and then it was grade 7, which was well... i guess worse? since exam's tomorrow and both ms pang and rachel were giving me negative vibes. lol! probably thinking too much but well, that doesnt help much. :/ and rachel has to scare me by saying that the examiner's really scary and not friendly. bahhh whatever, im just going to seduce her lah. believe me im gonna do it. im gonna use the power mask that jialing gave me for my birthday to recharge myself for tomorrow and i remembered to put it in the fridge first! ^^

studied with belle today. pretty productive. actually, i think this was first time in dont know how long that i sat down properly to study. like seriously... i never even studied properly like this for my blocks which, by the way, spells PHAIL... okay i admit, i didnt do much and was smsing most of the time. but the mood was there. i found the study mood today. i was searching it for a super long time. zhong yu zhao dao ni le. heh heh heh. i was so happy to be able to study again i kind of cant bear to stop studying. so i planned and planned stuff to study in the night. uhh. in the end, im here. what. am. i. doing. here. i have no idea. lol. oh and i found a new hobby. i realise, i like reading newsweek afterall. it makes me feel smart although most of the time, i dont get what im reading. credits to dear yuli for introducing me newsweek. i bet she doesnt even know when did she do that. lol. okay, i wont throw my newsweeks away anymore. :D save the earth.

i realised, after taking a step back and using a lighter heart to assimilate and absorb everything makes the world seem like a better place. you dont get frustrated, you dont get angry, you dont feel numb, you just feel lighter.

alright. no more complains. here's 6 alternatives to fasting from an email that yongen sent me.

1. fast from anger and hatred: give your loved ones an extra dose of love each day
2. fast from judging people: before making any judgement, recall how Jesus overlooks our faults
3. fast from discouragement: hold on to Jesus's promise that He has a perfect plan for your life
4. fast from complaining: when you find yourself about to complain, close your eyes and recall some of the little moments of joy Jesus has given you
5. fast from resentment of bitterness: work on forgiving those who may have hurt you
6. fast from spending too much money: try to reduce your spending by 10% and give those savings to the poor

guess i have alot to work on. :)

waahh i realised i never reply alot of tags leh. hahah.

yuli: YAH heh. i think last photo very funny mah. hahahah. not to mention finding out how you named all your photos. lol. and i just changed all the i to your name lah! lazy...

soph: heh! the school loves us! and yeah babies of a diapers roll on the baby cot together man. lol.

jialing: hellow love love! i love you! <33

vera: no? why must love you you puff of fat! hahahah.

huihong: hahahah. huihong very funny!!! dont worry. i wont leak your secret. it's safe with me.

my own post

things have been happening too fast recently. no time to think. too screwed. i dont know how am i suppose to explain myself given im in this mess. but i just want to make it clear that committment is something i value alot too, alongside sincerity and responsibility. i dont do things for the sake of... i dont know, but i do things because i love doing them. not for people, not for any specific reasons, but just because i love doing them. i dont know how to explain myself so people will get this. but i guess, i shouldnt really care if they cast upon me weird looks and have a bad impression of me. i have more important things for me to think about. but... i just cant help it sometimes you see... i know i let alot of people down, im really sorry. give me some time, i'll pick myself up.

i decided i like yuli's post and pictures. KOPE WHOLESALE. :D:D:D













6q went peranakan museum yesterday, which was quite nice! (yuli) think when you grow old you tend to be more appreciative of things and be excited about cultures and everything so it's not dry at all. was quite shocked when only 4 classes went yesterday but (yuli) guess every one will get their turn soon (: photos credit to vera's facebook abit grainy cos of facebook's quality but (yuli) edited the photos so it's abit brighter and more vibrant.

end of museum post but i like the part that came after that too.

How do you prove that God exist?

A new believer who encounters God first hand and for the first time tends to pose this question, which is very understandable really, because in living we are taught to focus on the empirical, apparent and tangible evidence. When I pondered upon this question today, perhaps the way to go isn't looking for cold hard evidence... but to look within ourselves and do an introspective examination. Somewhere in our hearts, we know that there's a God-shaped hole that cannot be filled up by earthly achievements. Spiritually and mentally we need help and this help has to come from the faith in God, which is why there must be a higher being, ie, God somewhere to guide us and save us.

Oh wells anyway, Good Friday is now/today this second, so remember the significance of today and well I guess every one deserves a break for now, but do still take some time to pray and be thankful (:

read baobei's post and i kinda want to reflect upon myself.

sleeping sleeping sleeping. that's what i've been doing all the time these days. i even missed dinner for 3 nights consecutively not to mention not seeing my parents at all all because of sleeping. thing is, i sleep so much at home, i go school still want to sleep. but okay lah. not bad. at least i see a little bit of improvement of myself in school. im pretty determined to score better for block test 2 seeing how my teachers are getting disappointed with me and the lie i said to my parents that im confident i'll do well by A's. at least, i try to listen in lectures now and tutorials. math lect on probability is going on pretty well, tho im kind of a little lost but just a little. e field is going good because i read ahead of tutorial even though i didnt try it. i did chem QA mindmap and attempted the 2nd question of the chem paper before ms chua goes through them so i know what's going on. i tried econs tutorial the essay outline before the tutorial. :D:D:D pretty proud of myself for doing so much! ^^ i mean okay, that may not be alot to you, but it's a big step for me considering i dont do ANYTHING usually. im turning over a new leaf. heh. i want to be a purple leaf.

oh and after some discussion with fatcake and a series of persuasion from jas, i decided i shall name my daughter caihong (rainbow) instead of baiyun (white clouds). hahah. i only decided to drop baiyun because jas say baiyun is a fat person. lol. wanted my son to be baifeng but zhikai say, should name after him, jingkai, which i thought was not bad. hahah. wanted baiyang (sun) also, but everyone says it sounds like white sheep, which was pretty gay for a guy, so jingkai he shall be. i think my daqughter's name's gonna be soooo cute. hahah. caihong caihong!

felt pretty screwed actually these days because of... well, i shall not mention, since its a mess that i created myself. i really hope it'll all be over soon and people around me will really understanding about it. im sorry. ><

thanks to phiaphiaa who JUST added hweehwee birthday photos on facebook... hahaha. i found some really awesome photos i want to share.

INTRODUCING.... MY WONDERFUL DARLING BPLUSB!!!





and i thought this look rather funny. wahahahah.

actually i still cant get over it. after reading chai and mommy's blog, i still can feel that overwhelming sense of... i dont know.

the hole is eating me up

4th april 2009

it feels like you're putting a huge stone on my chest, crushing my heart. it makes me breathless. i feel like just falling into it and never getting up.

friday, 3rd april 2009

im just gonna say, im really really proud of csb and nycb. after a night of thoughts, after repeatedly hearing the recordings, im still touched to tears by the songs. and i came to a conclusion, you guys were awesome no matter how other people judged you guys to be. really. im proud of you guys. every single one. and i really want to thank ms sia and mr ong for their hard work. im sure they loved us just as much as all their other bands and the blow to them was no less than it was to us.

jiayou, csb. :)

alright. went for section dinner with my act cool section! :D:D:D